‘I love you.’
‘It’s all okay.’
‘Stand up tall. You are important.’
‘You’re a goddamn human you’re already set free.’
‘I love you.’
‘It’s all okay.’
‘Stand up tall. You are important.’
‘You’re a goddamn human you’re already set free.’
Thought your were clever
Turns out
You’re just smart
I love you
like an actor loves her audience
I need to believe
that I can
Be believed
Carting around old manure
Scraping stench with an old spatula
When will you sing to me?
And grow me flowers?
I know you can!
now
Heart
Floats
un
Stop
Able
Such a lovely bright balloon
un
Pop
Able
i am falling together like
a clever origami piece
deftly unfolded into breathless bright Cities
im shaking you off
these many legged crawlings in my fur
i found the way
to breathe you out and make you run
as sheets fall
dust fills my air but
i found the way
to suck it up and lemon scent
i am becoming un-lost
Heart, you’re done counting
You can come find me now
You were useless
And I used to love you
And you’re useless
And I love you
I took you to Oxfam
Like an old lemon teddy bear
Thank you for
Being Loveable
Stop taking up space now
I need it for
Shiny New Things
Thank you for being
Useless and
Loveable
I walk on unicorn feet
I, electrically charged,
Light up
I play
I lift weights
I travel nights
and come back days
and find treasure
This is where I live
It is my home
Everywhere is a beauty spot
And I see days like this
And brighter
Undimmed
we have too much to say to you
to write in one line
my head starts to throb as they
turn up the dial
i see light all around but
they show me the dark
is it me?
am I mad?
we can’t show you everything
not yet
we have a plan for you
My head may be aching
But my heart is worse
I only want to be
Myself
‘I am not afraid,’
she says.
She sings inside
Loudly
She knows you hear it
She’s lucky
to have a voice
and lucky to have Your ears
‘I Hate
The Safety
Of
Your
Arms’
There
Is
No
Point
In
Dating
Boys
You can’t write
Poetry about
But I’ll try to act surprised
It was
Better in my head.
Beneath the glowing embers of the sky
Let us rip up the grass from its roots
And sing out the day
With the birds
I use you as my mirror
I hope you don’t mind
and let me tell you
you are
Extraordinarily
Beautiful
And I do not know
Who I am
But I adore (too much) the fear
That there is
No one who knows
Perhaps we are each
Crumpled up
To show our colours and tears and corners and creases but not
Every
Beautiful
Thing
I am learning
To unfold
No,
i’m
not
fearless
but i will breathe in
all my breath
and try
love
instead
there is no esteem in
Silliness
or
Sadness
but in them lie all of life
a car
is
very small
When
you try to
fit
a life
in it
in the silence
i forget the noise
in the class room
i forget my toys
In the cold
I forget the warm weather
In falling apart
Forget being together
In my shame
I forget to be proud
In my quiet
I forget to be loud
In my crying
I forget I can laugh
In my exploration
I forget my path
In my fury
I forget my calm
In harsh calculation
I forget the charm
In my worry
I forget my peace
In my starvation
I forget the feast
In the darkness
I forget the light
In being all wrong
I forget there is right
In my mind
I forget my heart
In my endings
I forget I can start
In my youth
I forget I’ll get old
In nobody speaking
I forget I was told
In my caution
I forget about chance
In my standing aloof
I forget I can dance
In my despair
I forget I can smile
And when I was alone
They were there all the while
In my stillness
I forget how to move
but I can never
(ever)
(ever)
forget about You.
Looking again
I never realised that parts of you
Stuck out like broken bones
And the smell of too much cologne hung off your skin
Like flakes of rot
I never realised
Your skull was so scuttle-like and mottled
Greyed and stained like a stepped over dust sheet
Or your dim paper boy walk, heavy booted and clumsy like a
Darted fat drunk.
I never saw
Your eyes
The colour of warm lager that washes out the taste
Of the morning after
Or the words spat from your split lips
Propaganda of your times
Self serving, blank and sharp suited in their sell-something eloquence
No I never realised
But now I look again
I do.
i want to be
machine made
inanimate
i want to be
a china rabbit
i want to have
a power cut
switched off
like a tv set
i want to borrow
benards watch
a desert island
cut off
If i’d been sure
You made me doubt
if i was lit
I flickered out
i want to be
machine made
inanimate
i want to be
a china rabbit
Trapped inside a snow globe
Nobody hears you
Through the glass
Just a gaping goldfish mouth
And you can’t travel to Harlem
with a gun
Or fix the Middle East Because
The trees are plastic
The houses come up to your ankles
And it’s the same snow
that
falls
again
again
again
And never melts
this is only carrot
but this carrot hurts
deep
he carries on growing
all curly topped
and smiles at you when you pick him
you can’t see it
but trust me
this carrot is in pain
You
You and your migraines are
Contagious
Your reasoning outrageous
You, your head, your heart they never meet.
Good job that you’re in fashion
Because with your lack of passion
You could never sweep a woman off her feet
And you make me feel
I am out in driving rain
I am lonely, lost and missing you
And that makes me insane?
And all the bits of me I have lain
Out for you
You regard with a cold indifferent blade
And your every word is another nail
Every omitted kiss another fail
I wonder what is it that makes you glad?
Too afraid
To feel the sun on your naked skin
To be pulled inside out from within
Too scared
To risk a fall and bleed
To reach too far for what you need
To hold my hand while you run
To let go, to dance, to breathe, to jump
To have your heart
Stop.
See I only wanted to leap off cliffs with you
Into some unending painted blue
But I’m sorry.
I know that was too much to ask
Of somebody like you.
there’s no point in anything
if im not pretty to you
ill throw out all my dresses
and all my high-heeled shoes
cos there’s no point in anything
if im not pretty to you
I’ll stop wearing mascara
I’ll stop dying my hair
I’ll never put on lip balm
Won’t slip on pretty underwear
Because there’s no point in anything
If you don’t care
And I know I knew that guy
In the past we had a thing
But now I’ve met you darling
All of that was just a fling
and there could be
that guy
mr pretty off TV
but they don’t mean a thing
unless you come to look at me
The sun can just go out
And the moon can disappear
The music can stop playing
All the day can turn to fear
Because none of it means anything
If you don’t want me here
So I’ll throw out all my dresses
And all my high-heeled shoes
I’ll only wear the blacks
And I’ll listen to the blues
I’ll just stay inside
Because there’s nothing else to do
Because everything is missing babe
When I am missing you
I’ll only count in ones
If we can’t count in two
because there’s no point in anything
(that’s anything)
if I’m not pretty to you
29/10/11
I like your trousers
On my bedroom floor
And a mug of earl grey
Who could ask for more?
And I forgot
What we were fighting for
When you left your jumper
On my bedroom floor
And I was watching this movie
But now it’s such a bore
Because you’ve left your boxers
On my bedroom floor
And I’ll stop writing
If you lock the door
I like your trousers
On my bedroom floor
redraft from 4/9/11
the air hangs about like ribbons
ensnared in paper sharp tangles
that course lines marked through
silence
You are unaware
Of the sound you make
With every move
You underestimate
The volume
Of your song.
Do we really mind
That like little dreaming dogs
We play fight all night?
I have a gift for you
When you open your eyes
I hope you like
Your surprise
It’s the sky
Look!
It goes on forever
I will tie it up in a
red bow
And put it in a shoe box
Don’t forget
It’s all for you.
And if I could be the weather
Rain would only fall in fairytales
Clouds would be only sighs
And the sun would never set
Until you closed your eyes
And one day I will teach you how to fly
I have a gift
It’s all here waiting
For you
When you open your eyes.
I found Jesus. He was in my Carling
He’s such a perfect little darling
He was in the blue dress
The one he always wears
And a look from those eyes took away my day’s cares
I found Jesus he was in my Carling
Such a sweet self-righteous darling
He told me I shouldn’t
When I knew I should
He said we weren’t allowed – I said now we could!
I found Jesus he was in my Carling
But it grates to spend time with such a sweet little darling
I was a bit annoyed
When he decided to amble
Across my G & T in his dirty sandals
And I soon tired
Of that warm lamb-like stare
He kept telling me stories
To write down and share
I couldn’t say
‘Look sorry Jesus…I don’t actually care‘
I found Jesus, he was in my Carling
He’s so bloody sweet and such a darling
But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t
Felt a little bit better
When he hopped onto the next table
Into somebody’s Stella…
You stormed in
And wrecked my pavements
While I listened
To those whispers
Of escape
In your eyes
When will what is mine
Come back to me?
As that swift light
Sweeps the days across the green
Clouds hold fast despite rain
I picked these flowers for you
And on your return
They will turn to the sun
And close their eyes
I will drink in
wordless joy of sunlight in cities
I will touch nothing
At the heart of something
I will sing in flickering silence
dance through windswept stillness
I will be held in arms
I will write sonnets
I will cry and be comforted
I will climb
I will run
As fast as legs will carry
I will dream in candle lit breaths
I will hold hands
Read poetry out loud
Pour my heart into bowls
Share secrets
Be proud
I will move
I will stretch to hear words from the sky
Ache
Catch cold raindrops from clouds
I will indulge in senseless elation
Because it made sense at the time
I will feel safe
I will know that life falls
like sheets from windows
And as the world grows about me
I will lose myself
I will be caught on claws
I will be frightened
Shamed, broken, left behind
But clear a path to find my way again
I will live other lifetimes
I will learn, let go
I will be picked up, spun around
And kissed
I will cry for beauty
I will shout to the silence
And in my fury catch its voiceless reply
I will expire with thanks on my lips
And as fast as I run
You will be my every step
Oh that you were not only a shadow
I think my shadow
Is inoffensive at best
Indifferent at worst
i have carpet burns
all over my knees but I
enjoyed getting them
One thing you need to know
Before you fall in love with me
Is exactly
How
I like to take my tea.
1
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the ground
And in the muck
It wasn’t very comfortable
So I tried to dig it up
But I didn’t have the tools
‘You can’t help me honey
You got to follow rules’
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the ground
And in the dirt
It wasn’t very comfortable
I guess it must have hurt
It wasn’t very cheerful
Even with me around
All I could hear was wind and sun
And a painful growing sound
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the ground
And in the earth
It wasn’t very comfortable
I guess it’s been that way since birth
It wasn’t very happy
Even with carrot’s company
It wasn’t pleased
With the potatoes
Didn’t like they way they teased
And as for those cabbages
Well they held a full revolt
‘And on first sight of me’ the parsnip said
‘they all set seed and bolt
And as for the sweet flowers
On those sweet looking garden peas
Well the things they say they’d bring me (if I had them) to my knees‘
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the earth
And muddy black
I couldn’t get it out of there
For fear that it might snap
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the ground
In front of me
How I wish I could pick that parsnip out
And take it home for tea
***
2
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the earth
And in the dust
I know that it was silly
But I think I fell in love
I tried to talk it round but no
‘Leave me be!‘ the root insisted
And as I watched the parsnip grew
Old bitter dry and twisted
There was a parsnip
It was stuck
In the earth
And in the clay
And as the parsnip turned to muck
I could only walk away
I have a sense of being
Sadly taken ill
So I leave it in the sunshine
Right on my windowsill
I feed it milk and chicken soup
I hear it makes things better
It’s not allowed outside without
A great big itchy sweater
It always takes its medicine
And gets a good night’s sleep
I make sure it always wears clean socks
And its bedroom’s nice and neat
But after weeks of trying
My sense of being’s still quite sick
I hope that it’s not dying
My chicken soup won’t do the trick
I had a sense of being
But now its lost its sense of smell
I can tell you my sense of being
Still isn’t very well
I have a sense of being
But I awoke to find one morning
My sense had already woken up
While I was still there yawning
It was running round the landing
And climbing on the stairs
Hiding in the cupboards
And jumping on the chairs
It was drinking all the cola
And eating all the fruit
It was playing with the sat-nav
And planning out a route
At this point I had to intervene
Because I found it too bizarre
When my sense of being stole my keys
And tried to nick my car
I have a sense of being
It’s really part of me
But sometimes me and being
Don’t get on too well – you see?
I have a sense of being
But it had a ‘”nasty fall”
And I can tell you my sense of being
Isn’t doing well at all
Next time you eat some salad
Make sure you don’t turn your back
You might just find yourself
Under unprovoked attack
One day when sat with my bowl of leaves
Though you might find it hard to believe
I can assure you it wasn’t in my mind
My salad was being unjustly unkind
The chicory couldn’t speak without swearing
The endive insulted the clothes I was wearing
The iceberg was just acting cold and uncaring
And as for the raddichio
He was quite bitter
And the baby gem said ‘Oi ugly! How come you’re not fitter!?’
And I don’t even think a good mind should know
What filth arose from the head of the lollo rosso
I was hassled by the swiss chard
Called names by the romaine
The lambs lettuce baa-ed
And the batavia was a pain
The celery’s input made me blanch
The olives did not extend a branch
The rocket exploded with unhelpful intrusions
The spinach made scathing and hurtful allusions
(And let me take this chance to digress
I overheard the watercress
Persuading the baby leaves to undress)
Eventually I threw the lot away
I never liked salad anyway
I have a friend
Who has a fishtail for legs
It’s a massive inconvenience down at Tesco’s
And she gets quite
Squeamish
At the fish counter.
When we go shopping she doesn’t normally opt for heels
And she can never get jeans that fit
She prefers calamari
to cod and chips
If I’m feeling particularly mean
I push her over and run
I know it’s a cheap shot
And it makes her self conscious
But she always wins in the 100 metre front crawl.
And even though I think it’s odd
The boys seem to like the whole shell-bra thing.
Sat here with you I
Start to wonder when you are
Going to kiss me