Getting Better

you know when you thought something you loved was dead but it’s not?

that’s what it’s like



i’m scared of you
this space in my face
that stores jingles from adverts and
useless facts like
there was a chicken that lived 18 months with no head

i’m scared of you

but it’s just you and me now

doo doo
do do do…*


You walked over plains that no one sees
You played music only angels hear
You’ve Let It Go.
You’ve seen hearts open
From ten thousand lives
You’ve been loved by souls
And made them cry
You’ve stepped into skies
You’ve walked wordlessly and un-followed into
Inconceivable light

You’ve been walking on burning feet for a long time now

But you are still
one thousand voices loud
one thousand candles and bright

I will always
Be Proud
Of you.

Prayer to Myself

I know they did me very wrong but
I hope I don’t
Hold it against
too long

I hope I
Let go and
louder than I cry

I hope the castle I build is higher than
deep, of any hole I’ve dug

I hope I keep believing.
I hope I remember that I belong.

I hope I realise that what I deserve
Is always more than I think

I hope I end up myself
and no one else

I hope I run
Faster than I chase

and I hope I look forward
More firmly than I recall

I hope I am never crueller to myself
Than I am to others

I hope I never forget

Shadows may fascinate but
they all disappear in light

I hope I can make mine bright
I’ll get this right


It takes some time
For me to see
How beautiful
Ugly is
To me

How fabulous
How weak and sly and
In betweened

How lowly, hollow
armed and sucked

how dead end roaded
Savage plain
and limping came

In far away
And given up
How carcass hearted
Piled and stuck

I saw the terror in your eyes
And it came as no surprise
When it came for game to play
You soiled yourself and ran away

real mate

thank you for keeping me happy
thank you for keeping me sane
thank you for not letting me jump off a cliff
when i’d forgotten my face and my name
thanks for cleaning up my mess
and hearing all my shite
and reminding me that feelings end
and everything’s all right

it’s just the smallest things you know
that makes the change for me
when no one else around is strong
you help me smile and see
you and i don’t think the same
thoughts splash my mind and scatter
but you put the thinkings in their pots
and remind me they don’t matter

and i’ve a tendency to sink
into a desolating mud
but you catch my head before it
hits that concrete with a thud
you light a taper in my dark
you know it’s not the end
i’d just like to thank you chick
for being a damn good friend


he grew me like a flower
i wondered when id ever get him gone
he came to me inside my dreams
and did things that were wrong

my frail body can’t withstand
the wrong you did to me
my ears they bleed

i miss you and your

i miss you and your

i miss you and your

and I a nothing
a nothing
a Nothing
I trusted you

I was wrong

see ya

It was so easy to lemon drop my secrets into you
like pennies in a well
but i won’t throw my coins away
you won’t make my wish come true

i feel safe amidst your voice
i’m held up stars away
but you can’t come to see me smile
or come and watch me play

we spoke with lights in both our eyes
we fit like oiled machines
but you can’t show me what you feel
i can’t show you what i mean

And so they tell me, I know it’s true,
You’re not worthy of my time
but they don’t see us like I do
when i was yours, and mine

i burnt into you like a flame
you cowered coiled away
love’s a brave heroic game
that you’re too scared to play

and snapping you from off of me
like hair and skin and bone
leaving things i left unsaid
and things i know, unknown

it’s another story for the books
a ghost tore us apart
but i’ll remember that one moment when
i had you,
at the start


i am falling together like
a clever origami piece
deftly unfolded into breathless bright Cities

im shaking you off
these many legged crawlings in my fur
i found the way
to breathe you out and make you run

as sheets fall
dust fills my air but
i found the way
to suck it up and lemon scent

i am becoming un-lost
Heart, you’re done counting

You can come find me now


we have too much to say to you
to write in one line

my head starts to throb as they
turn up the dial
i see light all around but
they show me the dark
is it me?
am I mad?

we can’t show you everything
not yet
we have a plan for you

My head may be aching
But my heart is worse
I only want to be

In Two Different Rooms

in the silence
i forget the noise
in the class room
i forget my toys

In the cold
I forget the warm weather
In falling apart
Forget being together

In my shame
I forget to be proud
In my quiet
I forget to be loud

In my crying
I forget I can laugh
In my exploration
I forget my path

In my fury
I forget my calm
In harsh calculation
I forget the charm

In my worry
I forget my peace
In my starvation
I forget the feast

In the darkness
I forget the light
In being all wrong
I forget there is right

In my mind
I forget my heart
In my endings
I forget I can start

In my youth
I forget I’ll get old
In nobody speaking
I forget I was told

In my caution
I forget about chance
In my standing aloof
I forget I can dance

In my despair
I forget I can smile
And when I was alone
They were there all the while

In my stillness
I forget how to move
but I can never
forget about You.

You have a Painting in your Attic

Looking again
I never realised that parts of you
Stuck out like broken bones
And the smell of too much cologne hung off your skin
Like flakes of rot

I never realised
Your skull was so scuttle-like and mottled
Greyed and stained like a stepped over dust sheet
Or your dim paper boy walk, heavy booted and clumsy like a
Darted fat drunk.

I never saw
Your  eyes
The colour of warm lager that washes out the taste
Of the morning after
Or the words spat from your split lips
Propaganda of your times
Self serving, blank and sharp suited in their sell-something eloquence

No I never realised

But now I look again

I do.

Someone Like you

You and your migraines are
Your reasoning outrageous
You, your head, your heart they never meet.
Good job that you’re in fashion
Because with your lack of passion
You could never sweep a woman off her feet

And you make me feel
I am out in driving rain
I am lonely, lost and missing you
And that makes me insane?
And all the bits of me I have lain
Out for you
You regard with a cold indifferent blade

And your every word is another nail
Every omitted kiss another fail
I wonder what is it that makes you glad?

Too afraid
To feel the sun on your naked skin
To be pulled inside out from within

Too scared
To risk a fall and bleed
To reach too far for what you need
To hold my hand while you run
To let go, to dance, to breathe, to jump

To have your heart

See I only wanted to leap off cliffs with you
Into some unending painted blue
But I’m sorry.
I know that was too much to ask
Of somebody like you.

The Sun Can go Out

there’s no point in anything
if im not pretty to you
ill throw out all my dresses
and all my high-heeled shoes
cos there’s no point in anything
if im not pretty to you

I’ll stop wearing mascara
I’ll stop dying my hair
I’ll never put on lip balm
Won’t slip on pretty underwear
Because there’s no point in anything
If you don’t care

And I know I knew that guy
In the past we had a thing
But now I’ve met you darling
All of that was just a fling

and there could be
that guy
mr pretty off TV
but they don’t mean a thing
unless you come to look at me

The sun can just go out
And the moon can disappear
The music can stop playing
All the day can turn to fear
Because none of it means anything
If you don’t want me here

So I’ll throw out all my dresses
And all my high-heeled shoes
I’ll only wear the blacks
And I’ll listen to the blues
I’ll just stay inside
Because there’s nothing else to do
Because everything is missing babe
When I am missing you

I’ll only count in ones
If we can’t count in two
because there’s no point in anything
(that’s anything)
if I’m not pretty to you


I Like Your Trousers

I like your trousers

On my bedroom floor

And a mug of earl grey

Who could ask for more?


And I forgot

What we were fighting for

When you left your jumper

On my bedroom floor


And I was watching this movie

But now it’s such a bore

Because you’ve left your boxers

On my bedroom floor


And I’ll stop writing

If you lock the door

I like your trousers

On my bedroom floor



redraft from 4/9/11

When You Open Your Eyes

I decided to write a poem to dedicate to Rickford and Emma and their baby Julian. Born 5 August 2011. I’ve not told him about it yet. I don’t think it’s up to scratch at all…I wanted to write something epic, but I got this:

I have a gift for you
When you open your eyes
I hope you like
Your surprise

It’s the sky

It goes on forever

I will tie it up in a
red bow
And put it in a shoe box

Don’t forget
It’s all for you.

And if I could be the weather
Rain would only fall in fairytales
Clouds would be only sighs
And the sun would never set
Until you closed your eyes

And one day I will teach you how to fly

I have a gift
It’s all here waiting
For you
When you open your eyes.

A Reason to Stay away from Carling

(Or to drink more of it. You’re call.)

I found Jesus. He was in my Carling
He’s such a perfect little darling
He was in the blue dress
The one he always wears
And a look from those eyes took away my day’s cares

I found Jesus he was in my Carling
Such a sweet self-righteous darling
He told me I shouldn’t
When I knew I should
He said we weren’t allowed – I said now we could!

I found Jesus he was in my Carling
But it grates to spend time with such a sweet little darling
I was a bit annoyed
When he decided to amble
Across my G & T in his dirty sandals

And I soon tired
Of that warm lamb-like stare
He kept telling me stories
To write down and share
I couldn’t say
Look sorry Jesus…I don’t actually care

I found Jesus, he was in my Carling
He’s so bloody sweet and such a darling
But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t
Felt a little bit better
When he hopped onto the next table
Into somebody’s Stella…

Frank’s Poem – Whispers

word 21 donated by Frank Richards

You stormed in
And wrecked my pavements
While I listened
To those whispers
Of escape
In your eyes
When will what is mine
Come back to me?
As that swift light
Sweeps the days across the green
Clouds hold fast despite rain
I picked these flowers for you
And on your return
They will turn to the sun
And close their eyes

Wai’s Poem II – Shadow

word 20 donated by Wai Fun Soo

I will drink in
wordless joy of sunlight in cities
I will touch nothing
At the heart of something

I will sing in flickering silence
dance through windswept stillness

I will be held in arms
I will write sonnets
I will cry and be comforted
I will climb

I will run
As fast as legs will carry
I will dream in candle lit breaths

I will hold hands
Read poetry out loud
Pour my heart into bowls
Share secrets
Be proud
I will move

I will stretch to hear words from the sky
Catch cold raindrops from clouds

I will indulge in senseless elation
Because it made sense at the time
I will feel safe
I will know that life falls
like sheets from windows

And as the world grows about me
I will lose myself
I will be caught on claws
I will be frightened
Shamed, broken, left behind
But clear a path to find my way again
I will live other lifetimes
I will learn, let go
I will be picked up, spun around
And kissed

I will cry for beauty
I will shout to the silence
And in my fury catch its voiceless reply
I will expire with thanks on my lips

And as fast as I run
You will be my every step

Oh that you were not only a shadow