5th Word-a-day donated by Dan Helgi í Gong

The Evil Salad – ‘Never Turn Your Back on a Salad’

Next time you eat some salad

Make sure you don’t turn your back

You might just find yourself

Under unprovoked attack

One day when sat with my bowl of leaves
Though you might find it hard to believe
I can assure you it wasn’t in my mind
My salad was being unjustly unkind
The chicory couldn’t speak without swearing
The endive insulted the clothes I was wearing
The iceberg was just acting cold and uncaring
And as for the raddichio
He was quite bitter
And the baby gem said ‘Oi ugly! How come you’re not fitter!?’
And I don’t even think a good mind should know
What filth arose from the head of the lollo rosso
I was hassled by the swiss chard
Called names by the romaine
The lambs lettuce baa-ed
And the batavia was a pain
The celery’s input made me blanch
The olives did not extend a branch
The rocket exploded with unhelpful intrusions
The spinach made scathing and hurtful allusions
(And let me take this chance to digress
I overheard the watercress
Persuading the baby leaves to undress)

Eventually I threw the lot away
I never liked salad anyway