Portfolio?

April 13, 2010 at 11:09 pm (essay, prose)

Mon 12/4/10

Writer’s portfolio…writer’s portfolio…oh dear. Wait a second. I don’t have one. No. Definitely. Not. It’s all in my fingers though. These hands wired up to this brain. In a way you don’t see. So you will need to take a closer look. Move closer my dear, I have a story to tell you…

I can tell you a story about  what is loosely referred to as my “professional” career, if you like. It started out when…um…well, it didn’t exactly. I don’t know but I can start somewhere interesting. Or, that is, somewhere less boring.

I have written for as long as I can remember. Words flowed and I used little pictures to illustrate my ideas. When I was a child and they told me to write I made up stories. They (the adults) always told me they were wonderful! Very nice! But they (the stories) were only mine.  And then when they stopped telling me to write, and when I got older, I usually, as many others, poured out things like emotions in free-falling prose, poetry and written streams of consciousness with stick people and shadows and boxes scrawled in scratchy black ink onto comforting cartridge paper in a black spiral bound book that was held closer to me than any other possession.

I’ve filled about three books like this. These ramblings. And it seems to be a constant of my existence – all this arty stuff. Writing. Don’t I sound like a bit of an artist? I do don’t I? Maybe most of it was adolescent rubbish. But then. Maybe some of it was good.

But then I only did it in secret. All this writing and nobody to read it not even the bad stuff! So I stopped my scrawling for a little while. I stopped. No one to see, no one to read, mostly teenaged babbling – what was the bloody point in all this verbal out pouring? But well then after a short break…of a year or so…I missed my pen. I missed my book. I missed the comfort of the cartridge paper. I missed the feeling I got after I put some emotion or ideal or concept or concern into lovely little words.

I couldn’t stop writing. That wasn’t it. But something definitely had to change. So here we are. Here is my public black cartridge paper spiral bound note book. It’s a mix up of several carefully assembled words. And, like the book, a bit sketchy in places.

So go and settle yourself by the fire. Open it with eager hands. Turn the page. I have been expecting you.

Permalink 4 Comments

A Word about Writing in Colour

November 5, 2009 at 12:24 pm (metawriting, prose, quotes)

If a story is a painting, and words are the paint, one should always write in colour

Permalink 3 Comments

A Note On Writing, Passion and Rebirth

November 5, 2009 at 12:23 pm (essay, metawriting) ()

Living is a strange thing. It brings up all sorts of strange, wonderful, distressing, complicated, terrible, hilarious, beautiful things.

There is an extraordinary tool called language which can be used to translate these things into what people call stories, poetry, prose. The writer’s equivalent to the artist’s painting, the composition, the sketch.

Sometimes this makes life  more real, more vivid so it can be better enjoyed, savoured. Sometimes it makes life more abstract and distant so it can be better endured and coped with. There is writing that teaches and informs, there is writing which simply plays games, but writing which strikes me the deepest, and remains within me the longest, is that which offers a shared experience.

It is up to the skill of the wordsmith to put the right words in the right order to create within the reader a faithful evocation of what the author had in mind when they started writing. These words – in stories, poetry, prose – therefore come full circle. Drawn from the author’s experience they should create a vivid new reality within the reader.

Life is a story. And a story well written should give birth to new life.

Permalink 4 Comments

Wide

October 25, 2014 at 2:26 am (poetry)

Loving you
Is
Glass eyed
And grim
Like a sweet
Stuffed
Dog,
Soft,
With
Glazed empty
Eyes

(June 3 2014)

Permalink Leave a Comment

New Century Love Verses

October 25, 2014 at 2:14 am (poetry)

*modern lover
i know you’ve got babies of your own
but i want to make some more
i know you’ve been here before
but i want to go there again
with you
with you

 

*too young
i know I’m too young
too young for you
but what am i going to do
without you?
i know I’m too young
you’re too old too
what am i going to do
without you
without you?
tell me what am i going to do
without you?

Permalink Leave a Comment

knees (part 2)

October 23, 2014 at 8:36 pm (poetry)

(from knees)

no lame duck
no child crossing
no blinking mole
i can walk
i can shout
and i can shoot

no small girl
no party dress
no small voice
take it outside
and if it matters
and i will fight

find me
standing
alone at the top of the pile
telling no lies
i was always better
loved better
than you could see

even when i was walking
on my knees

Permalink Leave a Comment

Wrong (waterless well)

October 19, 2014 at 3:08 am (poetry)

and all my secrets
echoed back to me
from the empty earthen space
in you

you, no desert spring
a shivering water picture you painted
to make me gasp
in a sun-struck moment

i was wrong about you
you left me poor, fool-headed and parched
My Beautiful Mirage

Permalink Leave a Comment

thank you

October 16, 2014 at 2:08 pm (poetry)

why do you heart speak to me so loudly
above the real rock rumbling of the world
saying
‘no’ and ‘wait’

why do you wait for your own time
to show me how little lost I am
saying
‘look’ and ‘here’

why do you shine a light onto me
in the dark
and not let my body drown?

keep your secrets.
I’m only human

why do you speak to us
at all?

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dilution

October 16, 2014 at 1:59 pm (poetry)

Don’t hold my hand while I’m under the water
I’m not trying to impress you
But I can swim

Turn your face away
And let silence say
You’re too afraid

Permalink Leave a Comment

Marble Sinks

October 16, 2014 at 1:54 pm (poetry)

It was a tough day
You took me and my breath for breakfast
But

(I knew all along)

You’ll just be
Something that happened

Permalink Leave a Comment

not him

October 15, 2014 at 1:34 am (poetry)

i was glad
(while we slept)
that you could not
see
my
wild
dreams

Permalink Leave a Comment

pink carnation

October 12, 2014 at 5:30 pm (poetry)

on the way home
i picked you
a late afternoon rose

you put it behind your ear
and we knocked it off with kisses
you left in the morning

Permalink Leave a Comment

There’s nothing more alone

October 12, 2014 at 4:33 pm (poetry)

more than an empty morning

i’m ill again

Permalink Leave a Comment

I’m a Pinball

October 12, 2014 at 4:29 pm (poetry)

bouncing off Bright Lights

like You

Permalink Leave a Comment

Sides

October 10, 2014 at 11:39 pm (poetry)

do not remind me
of times
when my heart broke
every evening

shut in walls
black out blind days
begun with endings
and its all the truth
but

i’ve grown warm blanket flowers
from my dirt

I want to pick them
and give them
all
to you

Permalink Leave a Comment

Better Fish

October 8, 2014 at 2:05 am (poetry)

i don’t know you
what a felon my heart is
to let you in

even realising
you are a dragon
poised to scorch

it seems i need
my skin creased up and
burnt from you

and still my animal stalks
a tooth cracked dry blood carcass

my heart

and you

Permalink Leave a Comment

Right on the Lips

October 8, 2014 at 1:58 am (poetry)

these songs
remind me of the days
i grew

and i fell in love
silently
and un-understood

when all i had to do
was drink
with pretty faces

i miss his,
like my own skin
it will seal over soon

a beauty scar raised
playing death-some music
with each burn

Permalink Leave a Comment

in the club

October 6, 2014 at 2:32 am (poetry)

i don’t think people
are all flesh and blood
some are dust and black stuff
and blow away in the wind

the brightest colours have
dull hearts
whilst brass fanfares fill
the greys in old shades

turn off the lights
i feel you clearer this way
and we simply oblivious
to how perfectly useless we are

Permalink Leave a Comment

Philosophy

October 6, 2014 at 2:29 am (poetry)

what if i had no money, just had all my noble notions
and i was a child again in a
double crossing world?
is evil the essence of innocence?
a naive lack of self?

who wants to lay with me here in the dark
and sift through my black powder books
anyway
if he were here we would not philosophise
love would answer the silence
better than any

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dead Garden

October 6, 2014 at 2:26 am (poetry)

You will never know
How much I learned about you that night
And how much I remember
And how I wanted to
Plant you like a seed
And watch you grow
On my windowsill

Permalink Leave a Comment

In Two Different Rooms

October 3, 2014 at 1:24 am (poetry)

in the silence
i forget the noise
in the class room
i forget my toys

In the cold
I forget the warm weather
In falling apart
Forget being together

In my shame
I forget to be proud
In my quiet
I forget to be loud

In my crying
I forget I can laugh
In my exploration
I forget my path

In my fury
I forget my calm
In harsh calculation
I forget the charm

In my worry
I forget my peace
In my starvation
I forget the feast

In the darkness
I forget the light
In being all wrong
I forget there is right

In my mind
I forget my heart
In my endings
I forget I can start

In my youth
I forget I’ll get old
In nobody speaking
I forget I was told

In my caution
I forget about chance
In my standing aloof
I forget I can dance

In my despair
I forget I can smile
And when I was alone
They were there all the while

In my stillness
I forget how to move
but I can never
(ever)
(ever)
forget about You.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Fallen

October 1, 2014 at 1:25 am (poetry)

in one night
i wanted to tell him
all my secret things
he was
like the leaf that i saw fall from a high up tree
and chased it all the way into my breathless hands
only to find
it had fallen there
because it was
dead

still i keep it
pressed close
between these
storybook
pages

Permalink Leave a Comment

Irrelevancies, platitudes and abuses

September 25, 2014 at 9:36 am (poetry)

my shivering voice echoes in this gaping space
bounces off people and cold air
and returns to me
un-comprehended

screaming at the sun would give me more heat

Permalink Leave a Comment

Symbiosis

September 25, 2014 at 9:24 am (poetry)

you burrow into me

like a benign tick

I think I can still survive

without

Permalink Leave a Comment

Apology

September 25, 2014 at 9:18 am (poetry)

dear you
I’m sorry for leaving
mop up those tears now
and let’s go home

dear you
you’ll be there when i need you
ill even feed you
so let’s go home

dear you
I’m sorry for leaving
but mop up those tears now
and we’ll go home

Permalink Leave a Comment

Broken Fingernails

September 25, 2014 at 9:11 am (poetry)

more song lyrics…

i know you try
but you send me for miles
on all your wrong turns
I have to claw my way back
I’ll claw my way back

i know you try
but you send me for miles
on all your wrong turns

this dirt is strange to me
this dirt is not mine

i don’t know you
or the strange faces you show me
you don’t know me
or what keeps my inside beating

this is not where i live
this is where i ended up
this is not where i live
this is where I ended up

i know you try
but you send me for miles
on all your wrong turns
i’ll claw my way back home

Permalink Leave a Comment

Sorry, It’s True

September 25, 2014 at 8:57 am (poetry)

 

song lyrics i think…

you only just realised
everything I seem
was never a dream

you will never realise
everything i am
is just an escape plan

i wish i didn’t have this disease
i wish i didn’t have this disease
i wish i didn’t have this disease
I’d get away from you

you’ll never see
you can forever stand and look at me

it’s not just in my head
its here and carved in stone
it’s not just me
I’m not alone

i wish i didn’t have this disease
i wish i didn’t have this disease
i wish i didn’t have this disease
i would get away from you

i have a problem
but you’re not the solution
I have a problem
but you’re not the solution

you’re part of the problem

Permalink Leave a Comment

Play Rough, Play Nice

August 14, 2014 at 8:18 pm (poetry)

bathroom floors are no places

for sudden

realisations

 

hearts heal over

harder than before

 

and people come to you in pieces

 

Pull me apart again

Flick through my history books

And leave

That’s okay

 

I hope

these wide eyes

cold truths

and grazed knees

 

will bring me

enough beauty

to un-break these bones

over the bathtub

and pull

the pieces of me out of the plughole

Permalink Leave a Comment

Freedom

August 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm (poetry)

go on
go ahead

and
I will too

there’s nothing wrong with
making your Heart
Beat faster

and I don’t care about
cuter black haired girls
doing

My Job

Permalink Leave a Comment

Brat

August 13, 2014 at 6:17 pm (poetry)

I’m
going
to Europe
to drink
Champagne
but I’d rather
lie
naked
in bed
with you
and eat
cold
pizza
and
mayonnaise

Permalink Leave a Comment

Gift

July 31, 2014 at 11:09 am (poetry)

Love is a christmas present
That most people
Leave up in the loft

Permalink Leave a Comment

Greyfriars Bobby

July 29, 2014 at 3:32 pm (poetry)

What do you do when your heart is
straining under the weight of
someone else’s mistake?

beaten
holding on like a dog
wide eyed
to a dead man

clutching
a
tight clenched fist

you can’t wake him up
he’s not here.

Permalink 1 Comment

Trip

July 22, 2014 at 11:59 pm (poetry)

i listen to the loudest music
but it still won’t drown you out
she said you’ve got to sleep on it
but my heart’s planning every day
with you
and the furniture we will have.
what did you do to me?
i think it must be some
hell of a
beautiful drug
you slipped me

Permalink Leave a Comment

Time Management

July 13, 2014 at 10:59 pm (poetry)

Though I was born this life’s not mine
I cannot be a waste of time
Must uphold faith, truth and humanity
Be a functional member of society…
write a bestselling novel
put out a fire
build a multi million pound
international empire
i should
learn everything
all there is to know
be a classical composing virtuoso
i should teach myself to jump 9 foot high
perform surgery
on something that
would have died
Be an ambassador for peace and
make my country proud
Learn to dance
sing out loud
I should get a first class medical degree
build a school
and an orphanage
save a chimpanzee
Develop good posture
Dress up smart
Do fifty press-ups
Take care of my heart
Don’t litter, remember to put things away
Be punctual, presentable and watch my weight
If I do this and some more
There’ll be nothing I’ve missed
but one little thing I left off the list
we’re all dying fast, there’s not a second to lose
so over all of those things
there’s one I would choose
it’s my most constructive thing to do
it’s to sit
and spend
today
with you

Permalink Leave a Comment

From Your Lips this is Poetry

June 21, 2014 at 6:31 pm (poetry)

take

me

home

Permalink 2 Comments

Note

June 16, 2014 at 1:34 am (poetry)

If I saw you again

I’d say hello

As if

I hadn’t thought of you

Every moment

Of every day

Since I saw

You last.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Only another Night

June 11, 2014 at 2:29 am (poetry)

all of you
id have had
all of you.

and my arms filled with you
water like
to my skin,
swallowing you
in divine sips.
I gave you
anything
your eyes sought,
for my heart to break
and weep
and give you,
all of you,
my pulsing everything.
speeding through
your furrowed brow
in a sweet sweat filled
hot hearted
scorching
moment.

deathless.
fire branded to my memory
like a sacred iron bar.
Your Divine
was all beauty and violent
a bladed flame that left
a sacrilegious scar

It’s all I wear now.
A tribal mark.

But it was less than
Nothing

In the end.
Nothing at all.

Permalink Leave a Comment

I Can’t Listen to Music Anymore

June 5, 2014 at 5:33 pm (poetry)

everything beautiful

sounds like

You

Permalink Leave a Comment

I Don’t Want to Talk About It

June 3, 2014 at 8:30 pm (poetry)

i don’t
want to
write
about you
and how far you are
away
from being
anything
mine

(Come back
soon

Please.)

Permalink Leave a Comment

Make Or.

June 3, 2014 at 8:19 pm (poetry)

Life.

You and I

have a deal to break

Permalink Leave a Comment

Fruitless

June 3, 2014 at 8:02 pm (poetry)

is it for
madness or
intuition
obsession
or
denial
that i cling
so closely
to that quick breath of your memory
like a
toy lost long ago
then found
in another child’s arms

Permalink Leave a Comment

Welcome Home

June 2, 2014 at 1:59 am (poetry)

if you’d like to move in

to our life

then please

be careful

of our things

they break easily.

but if you happen to knock something precious

off a shelf well

accidents happen

don’t be afraid to put your feet up on the furniture

make yourself at home

this is what you’re here for

after all

make a mess

if you like

We can clear it up

it’s all yours now

too

and when you leave

it will be all too cutting quiet

and choking

we will sweep you out of the door

and hang pictures we

took with you

you taught us where we had to look

to smile

but soon we will smile at the echoes of you

you shifted all our furniture to face the sun

our life will be better for having had you between its walls

and we will be better for having had you between our walls

(inspired by ‘the light’ by the album leaf)

Permalink 1 Comment

Gifted

May 29, 2014 at 10:30 am (poetry)

she said

watch

what you give away

 

but you can have it

you can have it

Permalink Leave a Comment

Some People Are My People

May 26, 2014 at 3:39 pm (poetry)

When I was spiralling in my mind
The other night
And loud dirty floor faces
And bathroom sinks
Cried out at me
With overzealous embraces
And ill informed naive
Walking on slippery slope slim chances
And slow circled by blunted teeth
On unfed tigers, weak
Eyes baited watching for the first sign,
I remembered You.
Your words,
And Michael Jackson
And it stopped me

Caught before I folded
Like a gasp, like a safety bar

Permalink Leave a Comment

Realist

May 26, 2014 at 3:17 pm (poetry)

fuck your

half full glass.

It’s got water in it

That’s all

Permalink Leave a Comment

Master of Nothing

May 26, 2014 at 3:16 pm (poetry)

There are the sorts of shadows

That creep into your life

With or without you.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Not a Liar

May 26, 2014 at 3:05 pm (poetry)

I knew

you were the sort of friend

who loved me

when all you said to me was

You’re right

It will never be okay

and smiled

and offered me the top off your burger bun.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Live Date! June 14 in London

May 14, 2014 at 2:32 pm (poetry)

Hello dearest readers!

The author of this blog (me!) has a live spoken word gig at the Poetry Cafe, Covent Garden, London UK

Saturday June 14

at a great night called Platform One Poetry

see you there

x

Permalink Leave a Comment

I Love Batman

May 11, 2014 at 1:17 am (poetry)

my goldfish is black and silver and proud

 

he eats his own poop

 

but he’s not stupid

 

i fed him a pea and it came out green

 

he’s a murderer and a bastard

 

but the cutest one you ever seen

 

you know i dont even know if he’s a girl or a boy

 

whatever

 

he’s a fish

 

who gives a shit.

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Odyssey of the Goldfish

May 11, 2014 at 1:14 am (poetry)

 I swam.

And then.

I swam some more.

I have a memory vastly longer than 2 seconds

I remember this bit of the tank.

I swim up and down.

Explorer of my own land.

A hero in my own mind,

A gallant warrior and a god of my earth a brave… oh look! poop! nom…

Permalink Leave a Comment

Can’t

May 8, 2014 at 11:14 am (poetry)

remember when you loved me?

life was good

back then

Permalink Leave a Comment

On Quitting Your Band

April 21, 2014 at 6:30 pm (poetry)

we gave up on the fist fight a long time ago

now we’re making bets

and cheering on the violence from the sidelines

Permalink Leave a Comment

Aw fuck

March 17, 2014 at 12:49 am (poetry)

yeah. technology hates me…

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 391 other followers

%d bloggers like this: